10. My children are too busy using my computer to track the stock market (keenly interested in the future of their college funds).
9. There isn't a single good picture of me ever taken.
8. I already know how many friends I have (6).
7. I can only upload things on the metaphysical plane.
6. I'm technologically anti-social.
5. I'm building my own hype.
4. I don't have any pictures of my children to share. (We only have oil paintings.)
3. Everyone I know lives on an Amish farm
2. I'm too busy looking at myself in the mirror.
1. I don't want to date any of my old lovers.
Take that "friends"! I dare you to look as good as I do. I've got the complexion of a newborn!
Oh, whoops. That's my daughter. Isn't she cute?
Oh, wait a minute. That's my daughter's doll.
Sorry. But I think I've proved my point.