Blogophobia

Blog sounds like a disease. "Oh," she says over coffee. "It's awful. He's got the blog again. The doctor's just don't know what to do."

Or a Dr. Seuss character. "And as the Bloggers marched through Bloggville, no person dared move, for the Bloggly, Blinging, Bloppers, from the Bloggers squishy shoes, rang out in harmonious rhythm to a blop-diddly groove."

And why blog, anyway? As one comic put it: never have so many people written so many words to be read by so few people.

The top five reasons for a blogophobic mama like me, who swore she would never blog, to blog:

1) To force my kind, indulgent family and friends to suffer through reading endless diary entries filled with the tedious, repetitive details of child raising. (Thanks, Mom! I knew you'd love this!)
2) To recreate the deep insecurities from middle school by constantly worrying how many "followers" I have. (Really, I've missed those years of perseverating on my popularity.)
3) To shamelessly promote my hilarious, witty, unbelievably smart, frank, funny, essentially perfect novel THIS LITTLE MOMMY STAYED HOME. (It's not published yet, but hey, you can still buy it from Amazon. Right now.)
4) I don't have enough to do. My children basically take care of themselves. Two-and-a-half and nine months are truly the easiest ages.
5) Because I want to be important, famous and well-read. Like every other blogger in the blogosphere.

Actually, if you keep reading this, I do promise to--one day--write something very deep, very moving. The earth will shake. And if not that, at least your computer.