Who says what?

Novelist, mother, minister, and yoga teacher muses on books, babies, motherhood, and what matters with reverent humor.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Since someone has to clean my house

I'll do it. No one else has volunteered. I should say, no one else over the age of three, as Ellias loves to clean the house, he just has his own cleaning rules (that essentially prevent the actual cleaning of anything.)

I, on the other hand, learned the domestic arts under the wise guidance of an artist mother. I would like to share some of my more helpful little hints here. You can call them Mama's Guide to the Domestic Arts.

1. When the Christmas tree is decorated in cobwebs, it's a good time to take it down. (As I did, today.) You needn't remove the cobwebs. This will save you a tremendous amount of time.

2. You can use the time you save to gather toys up and put them where they belong. Where they will promptly be removed. This can't be called cleaning. It can, however, be called exercise. All that stretching and bending over! Now you can save time by not going to the gym and use it to:

3. Save the baby from choking on small bits of fuzz, yarn, dirt, and food. YOU may not be cleaning the floor, but SHE is, the good girl, already well on her way to becoming an excellent wife. When you pick the fuzz out of her hand (to much protest screaming), thank her. She really didn't have to do your sweeping for you, and yet, she has.

4. Watch a lot of HGTV. This will help you to realize all the potential your home has--that could be realized if anyone had the time, energy or desire. In the meantime, it is just very nice to rest on the couch.

5. Get a dog. He'll mop the kitchen floor with his tongue after every family meal. Something worth it's weight in fur, I'm certain.