If you have not already ordered your copy of THIS LITTLE MOMMY STAYED HOME, run, do not walk, to your nearest bookstore (or online venue) and purchase the book that will you ensure that you survive another day. I am not kidding. If you do not buy this book, you may not make it.
My mother sent me the brilliant poem "Publication Day" by John Updike. Here is my own version.
Mother's Publication Day
What? You wrote a book?
Good for you, I'll take a look.
It's just right now, I've got to run,
there are so many things that need to get done.
About a mother? And poop and dismay?
I doubt any Pulitzer will come your way.
Oh, well, it's chick lit. And you want it to be a big hit?
I'm sorry to hear it's only 53000 in the online store--
and I don't doubt it's better than any ever written before,
but you see I've got a meeting in an hour,
I'm planning my neighbor's baby shower.
What did you say?
You want me to help you get on the bestseller list today?
Honey, there's no way. Not so soon,
unless you sleep with Oprah or send the book to the moon.
Can we make another date?
Fine. Tell me what you did to celebrate.
You had a mole removed? You had an eye exam? The baby had diarrhea? The toddler had a tick? You woke up in the middle of the night feeling strangely sick?
No one's called? They hate the title? You can't work,
you're feeling idle?
Um, congratulations, I guess,
(it sounds to me like a terrible mess).
How about this? I've got a library card,
I'll get it there, that won't be hard.
Does that make you feel better? I may even read it.
I'll go on amazon,;if you don't like the review you can delete it.
Are you crying or laughing? I really can't tell.
did you say, "publishing is its own kind of hell?"
Well, there's no need to swear,
I'm sure someone will care. It's just that I've got lots to do,
as I'm sure you do too,
I'll get around to reading it, I promise,
as soon as my kids are grown and my husband becomes an Adonis,
and the weeds are pulled and the laundry done--
but hey, don't walk away from me,
I've never known a published author. It's actually quite fun.
Oh, not for you?
Well, I've got an idea. I'll have my book group read it.
We haven't met yet, but I'm sure I could arrange it.
Now go enjoy your fame.
And, could you tell me again, the book? What was its name?