Who says what?

Novelist, mother, minister, and yoga teacher muses on books, babies, motherhood, and what matters with reverent humor.

Monday, October 29, 2012

What kind of a minister ARE you?

I get this question all the time.

Here are some of my answers in my weekly online radio broadcast: You Are Loved. 
You can listen to any archived episode. You can also find out more about that part of my life at agapeinterfaith.blogspot.com where I list the weekly episodes.

I like to think that I'm living proof that liberal, intelligent, feminist, spiritual folk walk the planet. I suppose you need to add "zany" to that list.

And here I am, mid-sentence, during a service I led at the North Hadley Congregational Church.

Thanks to Bruce Brewer for the photograph!

I don't know that this picture captures my best moment. Sometimes I think about wearing a sign around my neck: I'm better looking than this. Ever have days like that?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I'll Take What She Has

Here's the cover for I'll Take What She Has!! Tell me what you think.

I love it and I want to know what you think.

Take the poll. Scroll down a bit on your left and you'll find it.

The book will be out a few weeks after Valentine's day. You can PRE-ORDER because it's already on Amazon and that, my friends, is the amazing world of technology for you.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Top Ten Reasons You Think You Aren't a Feminist AND...

10. Wasn't feminism something that happened in the 70s?
9. You haven't slept with a woman and you thought it was a requirement of membership.
8. You like having sex.
7. You like wearing nail polish.
6. You buy pink things, small pink things.
5. You vote Republican.
4. Your mother told you you weren't.
3. Don't you have to cut off a boob or something?* (see below)
2. You're not oppressed.
And the number one reason you think you're not a feminist:
1. You're a mother! And those zany feminists who wrote all the books twenty years ago only talked about ESCAPING motherhood. They forgot to write YOU into their future predictions. Woops! Talk about a major oversight. They also kind of made it a liberal thing and now the term "conservative feminist" is an oxymoron. Woops again! But this is an error that can be fixed by--you guessed it!

The top 2 reasons you ARE a feminist (but never knew it):

2. You're a woman.
1. You're a woman.

Here I am with one of my fav books of all time: Sex and Destiny by Germaine Greer, subtitled, "the politics of human fertility" which is kind of a good theme for the conversations I have with my husband some days!

*That's Amazons, not feminists.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Top Ten Reason Motherhood Make You Feel Like a Failure

10. It involves a lot of poop.
9. And cleaning of toilets.
8.Your quarterly reviews come from someone in diapers.
7. Someone else does it better (AND she puts pictures of herself doing it so well online).
6. You missed the motherhood class because you were too busy taking the stupid required math and science courses.
5. It involves late-night training.
4. No one under twenty appreciates a healthy meal.
3. You will hear the words, "Mom, I hate you," often enough to effect your self-esteem (but luckily not your Facebook friend-o-meter. And thank God, you need real friends when you have to live with the enemy!)
2. You can't freeze dry them on that one perfect day to preserve forever, probably on the mantel, or maybe hanging above it.
1. No matter how hard you try, ultimately: THEY HAVE A MIND OF THEIR OWN!

Oh, look, here I am, being the perfect, most successful mother to one of my "kids!"

Monday, October 8, 2012

Top Ten Reasons I Don't Use Facebook

10. My children are too busy using my computer to track the stock market (keenly interested in the future of their college funds).
9. There isn't a single good picture of me ever taken.
8. I already know how many friends I have (6).
7. I can only upload things on the metaphysical plane.
6. I'm technologically anti-social.
5. I'm building my own hype.
4. I don't have any pictures of my children to share. (We only have oil paintings.)
3. Everyone I know lives on an Amish farm
2. I'm too busy looking at myself in the mirror.
1. I don't want to date any of my old lovers.

Here's an updated photo of me! The most recent one taken.
Take that "friends"! I dare you to look as good as I do. I've got the complexion of a newborn!

Oh, whoops. That's my daughter. Isn't she cute?

Oh, wait a minute. That's my daughter's doll.

Sorry. But I think I've proved my point.

Monday, October 1, 2012

This is SOO scary!

Right now, the fear is EEE (fatal disease you get from mosquitoes. My area is now on high alert).

We also went through the swine (I was trying to get pregnant then and pregnant women were at high risk).

One time, my third child actually choked on an apple and my friend, a PA had to smack his back to save his life.

Also, yesterday, my daughter fell in the toilet because my son forgot to put down the seat. Oh, woops! That's not scary after all, because you only die if you fall in HEAD first.
Why is this woman smiling? Because she's not afraid of everything! (She's Lenore Skenazy, that's why.)

People LOVE to scare mothers, because we are so very, very good at neurotic paranoia. I do have friends who are afraid to let their children play outside due to the high rate of suburban kidnapping (which actually doesn't exist but why worry about facts when you get be anxious, right?).

You must read this book: Free-Range Kids, by Lenore Skenazy, apparently, "America's Worst Mom," only I missed all the media attention she got when given that title. This book, in addition to actually having real information about motherly fears (in order to allay them) will make you feel better about everything else in your life to.

She is not paying me to say this either. In fact, I don't know. But I do know that I run towards the anxious, and that motherhood can feel like a landmine of disasters--you never know where they will come from! Watch out, don't go outside or inside or in the bathroom and put down that plastic bag!

This book is like: fear not! We can ALL enjoy childhood once again.

Thanks, Lenore. I love you, you rockin' pioneer woman for the modern age!