Who says what?

Novelist, mother, minister, and yoga teacher muses on books, babies, motherhood, and what matters with reverent humor.

Friday, April 10, 2009

You Aren't Zen At All

I had the new curtains on my lap which I'd picked up at Target because Linens n' Things (oooh, things, aren't things so lovely, don't you just want more of those things hanging around with all the other things that get to live in your house?), kicked the consumer bucket. Target, being Target, only had two curtains in stock which ended up being fine as I bought the 84 inch variety and then sewed the bottom to the back to make it extra thick and while I was busy with my stitching, I called the mechanic and put him on speaker phone to make an appointment for my car because the emergency-pull-over-right-now-or-die brake light goes off when I hit the brakes, but only sometimes, and I've been meaning to fix it for a year now. And while they couldn't see me on Saturday they could see me on another Saturday but he couldn't quite make out the time I wanted due to the explosion of screaming in the background, which was just the toddler picking up the baby and putting her into the potty.

Speaking of pottys. While I was cleaning out a poopy cloth diaper--because I have decided to clean them out immediately now instead of leaving them until I have time since the last time I left one until I had time it sat for three days and a spider took up residence inside it--I put the baby on the bathroom floor to play with a toy. Before I knew it, she had made her way to standing using the toilet. Fine, I could clean her hands later because I certainly couldn't pick her up with my own hands covered in baby poop and while I tried to dissuade her with my voice she put her chubby little fist into the toilet water so I had to grab her up with one hand and finish rinsing the diaper with the other. Then I washed both of our hands which was when she decided to put her hand in her mouth. Well, she got a mouthful of soap, but that's what you get for not listening to your mother. She's lucky she didn't get a taste of toilet water (Yum-yum, mama's all-natural, organic, toilet water soup!).

And to think I spent a lot of time and energy learning how to--in true yogic fashion--do one thing at a time. If I didn't multi-task, we would all eat soap and shit for dinner! Take that you Zen masters!


  1. ah. Yes. Zen masters, famous for lots of long, quiet comtemplation time in remote mountain retreats.

    Now, put them in charge of a household with three young children - THAT would be a great reality show!! :)

  2. You know that really would be a great reality show! Take it to the networks. You could get rich. Who needs the supernanny, we need some Buddhist monks dishing out child care advice!!